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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26898985">Forever......(is a pretty long time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenris_Wolfe/pseuds/Fenris_Wolfe'>Fenris_Wolfe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Afterlife, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Miya Atsumu, Death, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Marriage, Osasuna, Romance, SakuAtsu, Top Sakusa Kiyoomi, Twins, Volleyball</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:47:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26898985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenris_Wolfe/pseuds/Fenris_Wolfe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A sudden out of blue breakup between the two lovers.<br/>...........Love lost between the two...............<br/>It brings about a vortex of emotions..</p><p>This is an AU where Atsumu is a lead singer in a band, Sakusa is a lawyer. Osamu is still Onigiri shop owner.<br/>This is a work of fan fiction on characters created by Furudate sensei. I don't own the series nor the characters.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Break Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“….I want to break up…” the sound of silver ring clattered on marble kitchen counter rang loud inside the room.<br/>
Atsumu blinked, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His bag slipped from his shoulder and with a soft thud it hit the floor at his feet. He was still in his crumpled T shirt that he wore the whole night on the plane and his hair was all messed up and stuck up in every direction. He stared at the impeccably dressed Sakusa who was sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee before him with wide eyes.<br/>
“Wha…what are you talking about, Omi?” He stepped closer to the lawyer whose face was as always blank and expressionless but stopped when Sakusa raised a hand. “I want to end this relationship between us, Atsumu.”<br/>
There was a ringing noise inside his ear and he couldn’t say anything for a minute. His heart was thumping so loud as if he just done a marathon and he sweat. Why was he saying this? He licked his lips repeatedly trying to ease the pain stuck inside his throat.<br/>
“O…Omi-omi, don’t joke. Come on.” Sakusa looked down at his left hand which was now empty and he traced the ring print on the finger before snapped up to meet Atsumu’s honey colored eyes. “…I am not joking. You know I never say something I don’t mean. I…I have to end this relationship, Atsumu.”<br/>
Atsumu bit his lips and he gasped desperately for air. His chest hurt, he reached over to grab Sakusa’s hand. Stumbled forward, he fell to his knees before the cold man while holding his slender hand in his frantically. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his whole face was flushed as he tried hard to keep the sobs in.<br/>
“Why are you saying these things? What…what did I do? Please tell me, Omi kun. I…I will fix it. I promise I will. Please.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he continue to grovel before Sakusa who sat without a hint of emotion on his face. “…Is it because I keep travelling with the band? Is that it? If…if…that is what it is, I will stop doing it. I won’t travel as much as I do in the future. I am sure Oikawa can handle it. I mean….I am not that important to the band…” he gripped the hand tight and mumbled the words between sobs and hopefully watched the dark haired man who just stared at him with his apathetic obsidian eyes.<br/>
Sighing, Sakusa covered Atsumu’s hand with his other hand and stroked the trembling hand gently. “It is not because of you, Atsumu…I had a talk with my father when you were away.” Atsumu watched Sakusa’s face as the poisonous words seeped into his ears without his consent. “He arranged me marriage with the daughter of hospital chairman. There…is no way I can reject it.” He held on Atsumu’s hand gently and looked at the blond’s eyes tenderly for the first time since he stepped foot through the door.<br/>
Something inside Atsumu broke and he slumped on the floor, still clinging to Sakusa’s hand. “…Did you try? ...” his shaky voice came softly after a few moments of painful silence. Sakusa’s brow rose a bit at the question but Atsumu continued. “Did you at least try to persuade your father? Did you tell him that you were already in a relationship for years? And that you are FUCKING ENGAGED?”<br/>
He let the hand in his grasp go and scooped away from him. Tears trickled down his flushed cheeks nonstop as he sat with his keens drawn to his chest. The room became absolutely silent and cold except for Atsumu’s sobs and hushed breathing. The second hand on the clock ticked noisily as the two sat in agony.<br/>
Sakusa stood up and walked to Atsumu who was shaking from all of his crying. He knelt before him and took Atsumu’s wet face in his palms, making the blond to look into his eyes. “the last 5 years, I spent with you were the best years of my life.” Atsumu looked at him; his eyes were red and puffy already.<br/>
Sakusa wiped the tears with a thumb and gently place a kiss on his quivering lips. “I loved you. So much.” “Then...why…” “There is no future for us.” The voice came out loud and harsher than he wanted to. He touched his forehead on Atsumu’s knees and then looked back at him. In ever clear and cold Sakusa Kiyomi’s dark eyes, there were tears hanging.<br/>
“…It is time for us to wake up. We can play marriage game. But…that’s all it is. A game. We can never get acknowledge in public. We will never be a real family. We will always have to hide in public. From people. And…” he sighed, controlling his emotions that were becoming rampant with each minute. With a swift movement, he stood up and quickly run his hand through the dark curls on the head. “And I am tired…I am tired of hiding…”<br/>
He walked back to the kitchen counter and picked up his coat and briefcase. The sound of materials cluttering echoed in the room and Sakusa waited for Atsumu’s respond but after several minute of waiting, seeing that the other was frozen with his eyes glued to the floor and his face a wreck from tears, silently he headed to the door.<br/>
The usual short distance to the door felt like a thousand miles through desert and with heavy heart, Sakusa gripped tight on the handle. He wanted to turn back and see his lover of half a decade once more, just to burn the image into his eyes but he couldn’t bring himself to. The door creaked with a sharp noise. A rush of air from outside engulfed Sakusa’s tall figure in its icy embrace.<br/>
“…Ya so selfish, Sakusa.” Atsumu’s voice was cracked and hoarse but it was enough to stop Sakusa in his tracks. “…I love you so damn much. With all my heart. My everything. You…you are my everything. How can…can you throw me away like this? Why...” He heard footsteps behind him but he couldn’t bring himself to turn and face him.<br/>
“Why am I not enough? Huh? I know I can’t give you children or public standing that you so crave. I have given my life, my whole heart to you…Why can’t it be enough? I have nothing else. Why you have to do this to me?” he sobbed and sniffled. “…Ya so smart…Ya know I won’t be able to stop Ya if Ya use this reason. Ya so cruel, Sakusa. I wish…I never loved you. I WISH NEVER FUCKING MEET YOU.”<br/>
The shout made Sakusa trembled and he felt his heart clenched painfully inside the rib cage. Bracing himself against the pain, he took his step out of the door. Out of the tender relationship that lasted through so many hurdles. Out of the life of the one person he loved the most in the whole wide world and out of the love that was going to tear his heart apart.<br/>
He felt the door clicked with a sharp sound as it closed behind him. He didn’t realize he was biting on inside of his mouth so hard it had became a bloody mess. The muscles on his face were taut and flexed as he clenched his jaw to keep the tears and emotions at bay. This was what he chose.<br/>
This was what he wanted. He was the one who did this. He had to be the one who saw this through. Without wasting any more time, he walked away from the apartment toward the elevator at the end of the long corridor. Each step brought him farther away from his loved one and with each step; he knew he would never love another in his life again. For his heart was just torn out and left behind.<br/>
Atsumu held onto the marble counter with his knuckles turned white but after a long time waiting for the door to open again which didn’t, his legs finally gave out and he fall to the floor. Tears hadn’t dried up. “…I still…love you…But I still love you….” He mumbled the words over and over as he wailed his heart out at the door step.<br/>
This morning when he landed and rushed back home, he never thought his welcome after a month away would be this. He cried till his voice disappeared and his eyes black out. But no matter how long he cried, waited and wished it was all a dream, he was still left alone in empty house. With nothing but a matching silver ring lie lonely on counter.<br/>
Osamu called Atsumu’s phone but his twin didn’t pick up. He tried calling Sakusa’s but it was not picking up as well. Frowning as he stared at the phone screen, Osamu was somewhat worried about his brother. He knew Atsumu came home today from his tour with the band but after a few second of phone call when he landed, there had been no news from him.<br/>
He knew he shouldn’t worry too much since he knew his horny ass brother would be cuddling with his boyfriend without paying attention to anyone for a few days but something didn’t feel right. He sighed and decided this could be nothing and he made a mental note to go see him first thing tomorrow. May be he would bring his favorite onigiri with him. That rat better be grateful. Smiling to himself, Osamu went into his store.<br/>
(Time skip to the next day)<br/>
Osamu knocked on Atsumu’s door but after a couple knocks, there was no sound. He tried the phone again but no one was picking up. The worry was raising with each second. He hit the door a couple more time and called out Atsumu but still nothing. “…that rat is going to be the death of me.” He clicked his tongue in annoyance and took out the spare key from his pocket. Atsumu gave him a spare key just in case he needed emergency stuff from home which was always.<br/>
With a soft creak, the door opened and the sight horrified Osamu. “’TSUMU!” he yelled as he rushed inside to his brother’s side who was collapsed at the doorstep. There was an empty vodka bottle beside him and Atsumu was shivering. He lifted him up and checked his temperature. Indeed, the blond was having a fever and his face was swollen and red from tears.<br/>
“What the fuck….hey, Tsumu.” He gently nudged him to wake up but the latter was unconscious. He did his best to carry his brother to the couch and lay him down. He looked around and didn’t see Sakusa anywhere. Something big must have happened. He knew Sakusa wouldn’t leave his stupid brother by himself if he knew he was this sick. He rushed to take care of the sick.<br/>
After a few minute, he was all set. Atsumu was changed out of his stinky clothes and now wearing a big grey hoodie, covered in blanket with a cooling pad on his forehead. Osamu said beside his brother worried but he couldn’t do anything at the moment. He messaged Suna to take care of the store today as he wouldn’t be able to come in and resigned himself to take care of his sick brother.<br/>
Around 3 pm, Atsumu stirred. “Hey…Tsumu.” “…O…Omi?” he opened his eyes which were still swollen like a puffer fish. Osamu rolled his eyes and helped him sat up. “Not your lover, dumbass. Your one and only brother.” Atsumu stared at Osamu with red eyes as the latter handed him a glass of water. His face started to crumple again but tears didn’t come out. He tried to swallow the pain down the throat with the cold water but it only help the dryness. The burning pain was still crawling inside his chest.<br/>
He fiddled the glass in his hand. Osamu sat in front of him and waited for him to speak. “…Omi broke up with me…” the words sounded so raw and unnatural on his tongue and when he heard the words came out of his own mouth, he felt the pain renew again. “What?” Osamu exclaimed not believing his ears. “Ya telling me…” “He…left me…” he said opening his palm to show Sakusa’s ring.<br/>
Osamu jumped up from couch and looked down at his now sobbing bother with the eyes of disbelief. He started to pace in front of him and bit his lower lip. “What happened? Ya didn’t tell me Yer were fighting or having issues.” Atsumu shook his head slowly. “He…he said he was tired…tired of hiding. Playing family with me…” a choked laugh escaped Atsumu’s trembling lips. “WHAT THE FUCK…That son of a bitch…I am going to kill him.”<br/>
Osamu threw the water bottle in his hand with all his strength. The poor bottle flew somewhere into the house, all crushed. Atsumu hid his face in his arms as he hugged his knees tight. “Tell me Ya hit that bitch at least once.” He was fuming. Even though they were always fighting, the twins loved each other so much; they would die and kill for each other.<br/>
Osamu was against the relationship between them in the first place because they were extremely different people. But since his idiot brother was head over heels and Sakusa seemed sincerely in love with him, he didn’t interfere with the affair. Now he felt stupid. If he stopped it from the beginning, he wouldn’t have to see his brother tormented and broken like this. “Fuck, Tsumu. I bet Ya just kept crying and waited that bitch at door whole night. And caught Ya self a cold.”<br/>
He slumped on the couch and pressed his palms into eyes. “Stupid Tsumu.”  Atsumu leaned forward and rested his head on Osamu’s arm. “…what am I gonna do…Samu? I…I need Omi.” He wanted to wail like he did yesterday but there was no tears left. Osamu stoked his twin’s blond head roughly and sighed. “Ya just sleep and get better. I have to go somewhere. Gonna be back in a few.”<br/>
He patted the twin gently and helped him settle back on pillow. Atsumu stared at the ceiling with vacant eyes. It pained Osamu so much to see his proud brother withered like this. It was like he had no spirit left in him. He put sport drinks and medicine on the table and headed out the door. Locking the door behind him, he pulled his jacket tight, his fists balled on the sides as he headed to Sakusa’s office.<br/>
For Sakusa, the day passed like any other day at work because he was someone who could put his personal and work life separately. Even though he was in emotional turmoil, he didn’t let it show on his face. The whole day he worked like a robot, not even eating lunch or taking break. He smoked through 3 packs of cigarette and now smelling like a chimney.<br/>
The evening wind was rough and colder than in the morning. He pulled the coat closer to his body and stood in front of his office with a vacant stare into the distance. Around him, the people busied past and noise of traffic went unnoticed. He walked down the road, not knowing where his legs were taking. He was someone who never go back on his words, no matter what happened. He would never think twice about keep on going ahead without regret but this time…he felt lead was weighting down on him so much so that he just wanted to lay down and never move again. But he was still moving forward because he was still alive.<br/>
When his thoughts came to an end, he realized where he was. He was standing in the playground near his apartment where he and Atsumu shared. Habits are hard to break after all. He stared at the building in far with complex emotions surging inside him. “I…I can’t do this.” He whispered to himself, still standing like a pole fixed to ground in vacant playground.<br/>
He had to keep moving forward. Wasn’t he the one decided to end the relationship? He had to see this through. Gritting his teeth, he glanced at the building once more and turned around. “Hey, Sakusa!” his steps were halted by a sudden shout as he started to walk away. He turned to see who it was and immediately stunned. “Atsu…” his heart leaped and he felt his hands shook.<br/>
But as the person came closer, his hope was deflated. “Osamu…” the grey haired man who had the same face as his Atsumu stood before him with his arms on his side. His brows were scrunched into a tight knot and if looks could kill, Sakusa would be dead on spot by his dagger eyes. “You son of a bitch.” Before he knew, he felt a dull pain on his jaw which instantly broke into a burn that sent sparks into his eyes and he stumbled back. Sakusa slumped, a hand holding on his bruised jaw and glared at Osamu who was shaking in anger.<br/>
“I should never have let him go out with you.” Osamu growled as Sakusa spit out the blood and wiped his mouth with back of his sleeves. “After all these years, you have the fucking guts to say that kind of shit to him.” He threw another punch and this time, Sakusa fell to the ground. His lips bled and a red mark bloomed on his cheek but still he didn’t make a sound. Osamu straddled him and threw a couple of punches, set on killing Sakusa.<br/>
“What? After fucking a man for years, you got tired of dicks? Huh? You selfish piece of shit.” He threw the final punch with all of his strength and watched as half of Sakusa’s face bloodied and swollen. Both gasped for air and panted in pain, one lying on the ground and the other hunched with hands on his knees. “Don’t ever fucking show your face near him, Sakusa. Next time I see you, I will kill you.”<br/>
Osamu said through his teeth and rubbed his bruised knuckles as he headed back. “Wa..it…Miya…” Sakusa tired to speak through his broken lips as he struggled to stand up. Osamu stopped a few feet from him with his back facing him. “…I am glad…you are here…for him…I…am sorry…” Osamu turned on his heels and in a blink of an eye, he slugged Sakusa in stomach.<br/>
The latter coughed and groaned in pain. “Save your sorry, Sakusa. You disgust me.” He then turned back without a word and headed back to the building. Sakusa held a hand on his stomach as he watched Osamu’s retreating back. How much he wanted to tell him that this pain was nothing compare to the one inside his chest. But like a stubborn, proud man that he was, he chose not to. Staggering a bit in his steps, he turned away in the opposite direction.<br/>
This is all over.  It has to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Prince of Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a week.<br/>
Atsumu stood in front of the building where Sakusa worked. He was wearing a thick jacket to protect him against the rough winds of fall. The faux fur lining the hood brushed against his face as the wind blew narcissistically, bearing its rough fangs to those who were vulnerable.<br/>
Atsumu stared at the building with his hands tucked inside the pockets, the amber orbs were lifeless striking a horrid contrast against his unhealthily pale complexion. He was bedridden with strong fever for 4 days straight and every day he would wake up and relive the whole ordeal from the top again. It tormented him terribly so much so that he was afraid of morning where he had to open eyes and greeted the empty apartment again.<br/>
The nights weren’t anything better. Thousands of nightmares scratched and torn him apart from the second he fell asleep from overdosed with cough syrup till his biological clock woke him up. He waited and waited, for the front door to open again and see Sakusa came in with his stoic smile as always. But no matter how many days he waited in front of that infernal door, the man never appeared before him.<br/>
He was worn out and exhausted from all the crying and fear lurking inside his brain. So on the seventh day, he changed out of his pajamas and decided to go and see the man who was responsible for his torture. He knew this would tear the scab and made him bleed fresh again but he needed to. He wanted to. He licked his dry lips before sighing deeply as he walked into the building. He had been here a million times so he was used to it as the doorman bowed and opened the glass door for him. He pressed the elevator button and nervously stood inside the quiet box as it ascended. After a few minutes, the door dinged open and he was faced with a luxurious décor of the law firm.<br/>
His feet felt like lead as he dragged himself out of the elevator. Even though he was already inside, he still felt freezing. Carefully as if stepping through the land of mine, he headed into the firm. “May I help you, sir?” the receptionist greeted him as he entered the office, immediately overwhelmed by the feeling of being out of place. “Um…I...I…ah…” “Miya san?” a voice called him from behind. He turned around and saw Sakusa’s secretary coming out of elevator toward him.<br/>
Breathing a sigh of relief, he rushed toward her. He was always intimidated by this kind of place which was one of the reasons he almost never come to Sakusa’s office, just the entrance. “Hi, thank god. I was worried.” She smiled warmly but there was a slight frown on her face. “Are you ok? You don’t look well.” Atsumu gave her a weak smile and run a hand through his hair. “I...um…I am fine. I just…” “Are you here for the stuff he left behind?” She said not convinced by Atsumu’s obvious lie but she wasn’t one to snoop.<br/>
“What?” “The stuff from his office? Wait…did you not know?” She was now totally confused which made two of them as Atsumu stared at her with bewildered eyes. “…Sakusa san quitted the firm a week ago for consulting job in America.” Whatever holding Atsumu up all this time gave out and he stumbled back. Thankfully, the wall was there to prevent him from falling down on his ass. He held onto the wall, feeling queasy. A sudden clap of thunder echoed in his ear and he saw light before the eyes a few seconds before splitting migraine broke out inside his head.<br/>
In far away, he could hear the secretary shouting but all the sounds were blurred as if he was underwater or in space. He slowly knelt down, holding his head tight in his hand. You don’t want me this much, huh? Omi… before he lose conscious, a sad smile broke out on his face. You are so cruel….<br/>
Atsumu woke up on an ER bed, his arms strapped to IV lines. He felt nauseous and weak as he sat up. “Hey hey…ya ok?” he heard a familiar voice beside him and turned to see his twin coming in with a couple of coffee cups in his hands. Atsumu blinked to clear his groggy vision and when things came back to normal, he let out a smile. “…Hiya, Samu.”<br/>
Osamu put the cups down as he took the seat beside him. “Ya dumbass, gave me a scare. Ya know?” he was angry and worried. Atsumu apologetically smile at him and said, “Sorry, Samu. It just…” “Just what? I told you to stay and recover at home. The fuck you doing at that son of a bitch office? I can’t believe you.” He huffed and handed a glass of water to his brother who had the silliest and saddest smile on his face. Atsumu drank the whole glass and replied, “Thanks, Samu….”<br/>
Osamu shook his head as he watched Atsumu leaned back onto pillows and stared at the white light on the ceiling. “….Omi left…” “Well, obvious…” “To America…” Osamu stopped talking and even though he wanted to shout at the top of his lungs, Great! but he couldn’t. He sat in silence and looked at Atsumu’s face for any changes. The blond didn’t turn to him but kept his eyes on the ceiling.<br/>
“I…I wasn’t even going to beg him come back, ya know…” a single tear trickled down before disappeared into the white sheets. “…I was just…I….just wanted to see him….at least one last time…” his voice cracked but he still continued. “…and he doesn’t even give me that chance…” his lips curved into a smile. “That’s…how much he wanted to be away from me…” he sobbed. “…I guess that’s all what I was to him. A shameful relationship. I embarrassed him. It’s all…”<br/>
“If the next word comes out of your mouth is your fault, I am gonna hit ya so hard, ya gonna get amnesia.” Osamu roared and glared at his brother who casted a glance at him with his red eyes. “That bastard is the wrong one. He screwed up the relationship. He is the one at fault. Don’t ya dare say it’s Yer fault.” Atsumu shot up and hit the bed with his fists. ‘’ THEN TELL ME HOW THE FUCK ALL THIS TURN OUT THIS WAY???? I…I CANNOT HATE HIM, SAMU. I JUST CAN’T.”<br/>
Years started to fall and despite being in public, Atsumu couldn’t care less about his image or anything. Osamu stood up and hugged his brother. “Ya just need time, Tsumu. Ya will forget about that asshole in no time. I promise.” He patted the blond’s back as the latter buried in his chest and cried like a little kid.<br/>
Everyone in ER stared at the twins with curious eyes and Osamu wanted nothing more than to leave but he couldn’t discard his brother alone. So awkwardly, he strained to pull the curtains around them and decided to wait till Atsumu calmed down before he figured out a way for them to check out of the hospital without being seen.<br/>
Time moves on, not waiting for any mortals or angles of any kinds.<br/>
Since the incidence at the hospital, it had been 3 long months. Atsumu’s band heard about what happened and they all tried to help him back on his feet with all of their hearts. Even though he came back to the band on 2nd month, he was no longer the cheerful and lively Atsumu they all knew. He was still the best composer and singer but there was no light inside him. He worked on many songs and kept himself busy buried in endless gigs till his voice turned blue and he could no longer sing.<br/>
Everyone was worried of his behavior but there was nothing they could do. Not even Osamu could. The only time he took a break was when his voice was hoarse and he needed a break. But even though the restless working wrecked him, it helped the band’s fame and popularity rose through the skies. Atsumu’s new songs which became symphonic rock and heavy metal, completely different from the past were a huge hit with the fans and people were even calling him the Prince of Pain. Little did they know how much the title fitted the young singer in real life.<br/>
“I am home…” Osamu announced as he came in carrying the left over Onigiri from his store. He found Atsumu lying on the couch with a neck warmer around his slender neck and ear phone on his head. His medicines and cups of lemon juices lie on the table next to him. The floor was covered with rolled up paper balls and shredded pieces. He sighed as he picked up the nearest one and threw it into the trash bin.<br/>
Atsumu had been staying at Osamu’s place in past months which was understandable but what he couldn’t understand was why this jerk pushing himself to death and messing up his house in the process. He went over and pulled the headphones off him. “Heyyyy…” Atsumu whined and protested as Osamu stood before him with stern face. “You see this mess?” he pointed the floor and glared at him.<br/>
Atsumu shrugged with a sheepish smile and pointed to his throat. “…can’t talk. Hurt.” His voice was all guff and cracked. Osamu clicked his tongue and put away the headphones. “Ya need to get Yer shit together, Tsumu.” “…” “Ya can’t keep wrecking Yer voice like this.” “…can’t. Too famous…” he winked at Osamu and took a sip from his warm lemon juice.<br/>
“Stupid ass. Don’t come crying to me if ya can no longer sing.” He threw a broom at him and gestured him to clean the mess up. “….stingy bastard…” Atsumu said quietly but not quiet enough for Osamu’s sharp ears. “I heard that, rat. Clean it up or Yer not getting food.” “Fineeeee……”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Its me again. I got too tired today and couldn't continue so this chapter is going to be 2 parts. So sorry for short one guys. </p><p>Hope you enjoy this. Will see you soon. </p><p>Do share your thoughts with me, I love to hear what you guys think.</p><p>For today, it is Lindsey Stirling - Something Wild (Acoustic) ver. I absolutely love that song.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Coward's story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They say it is easier to let go of some feelings than holding onto them. As if doing so will help cure the heart ache and sorrow they feel.<br/>
But in reality it was not like that. At least not for Sakusa Kiyomi.<br/>
He looked at the spectacular view of New York from his office on 20th floor with his usual stoic face. It was just 6 in the morning but the city was already busy and pumping with energy. This really was the city that never sleeps. It had been a year since he moved here. And it would be a lie if he said, he didn’t face any difficulties. The first few months were hell. He was bombarded with the change in culture and a shit ton of work load. He didn’t even have time for himself, not even a few minutes to tend to the gaping wound inside his heart. And when he could finally able to catch a breath and settled, a year had already passed.<br/>
Sometimes at the dead of the night when he woke up from his restless sleep, he would think about the past. Did he make the right choice? Did he? Being the man of little words, people didn’t realize he was tattered and torn inside and that he was questioning every step he took. But it didn’t matter. He was the one who chose this. He had to live with this.<br/>
There was a knock on the door making him cut his thoughts short and quietly he returned to his desk. “Good morning, Sakusa. Hope I am not intruding.” A women with chestnut brown hair peeked through the opened door. She had a wide smile on her face, making her brown eyes sparkle with glee. Sakusa cleared his throat and beckoned her to come in. “Not at all, Jessica. How may I help you?” he asked as a matter of fact. The woman pouted but she quickly dissolved her displeasure with another radiant smile.<br/>
Her high heels clicked sharply on the floor as she walked inside. A black miniskirt and white chiffon blouse hugged her slender body perfectly. She took a seat in front of Sakusa and put her carefully manicured fingers on the desk. “Why are you being so distant toward your fiancée?” Sakusa flinched but it was so subtle she didn’t notice his reaction. “….Jessica, we talked about this. That engagement thing is only between our parents. I haven’t agreed to it.”<br/>
She sulked cutely and replied with almost purring voice. “…but you are already here, working for my dad. Isn’t that means it is only a matter of time before we make it reality?” Sakusa frown and sighed. “I only took the job because of my father’s request and I needed some time to figure things out. There is no other deeper meaning.” She huffed and crossed her arms. “Fine. Whatever. You are as stubborn as always.” “If you have no other business…” “I didn’t come here just for chit chat. My dad is going to return to Japan at the end of this year.” Sakusa’s eyes widened and he shifted uneasy in his seat.<br/>
“I haven’t heard about that.” Jessica flipped her hair and stood up. “Of course, it hasn’t been made public yet. I will be handling US branch from now on since dad said he want to retire. So…” Her face became serious. “You can decide Sakusa. If you going to accept my hand in marriage then you can remain here in US. If not…You can go back to Japan with dad and…stay there.” Even though her expression was fierce, there was slight tremor in her voice. Seeing that Sakusa had no answer to give her, she nodded and headed to the door. “….Personally…I want you to stay…With me…here. But…I don’t know your mind, Sakusa. I hope you come to a decision soon. That will be good for both of us” she said without looking back as she held the door knob. The air inside the room was still as the two stood in silence. Jessica soon left the room, the door swinging close behind her with a soft thud.<br/>
Sakusa dropped in his seat, even though his face was as expressionless as always there was turmoil inside his chest at the moment. He pressed the sole of his palms into his eyes and groaned softly. He was afraid. It was not for his job and not even for his possible marriage. The thought of returning to Japan where there was one person he couldn’t bring himself to face scared him the most.<br/>
Sakusa Kiyomi was a coward. He was afraid of the relationship. He was scared of the deepening affection and love between the two of them. He was too chickened to face what was truly inside his heart. So he ran. He ran across an ocean to another continent…But even doing that didn’t do squat. He would rather tear his heart out than face the fear of the distant future that he couldn’t predict. He was nothing more than a coward. And he knew his cowardice hurt the other person deeply. He wouldn’t be forgiven. Isn’t it better to just choose less painful way out if that was the case then? He was toxic to people in his life. He didn’t deserve anyone’s love.<br/>
Seasons changed and the time flew by fast, it was already December.<br/>
Sakusa stood at a cross road in Time square. The colors from neon lights bathed the streets full of people from varying race and age. It was not ideal for a person to be just standing still on the busy street and it was proved by several people knocking into him from front and back. “Sorry…” he mumbled as a third person slammed into him from the back and decided it was time to move to the other side of road.<br/>
Tucking his hands inside his long coat, he walked to the other side where there was less people compare to this. He was waiting for a friend who he haven’t met for a very long time and being not a sentimental person, he wouldn’t have bother to wait 15 minutes on the side of the road for a friend, if that said person was not Ushijima Wakatoshi. He checked his watch and yep, it was 8:15, exactly 15minutes past their agreed upon time.<br/>
Huffing a cloud of cold air, he tsked his tongue as he scanned the crowd. After several minutes of silently cursing under his breath, he spotted Ushijima’s grey head amidst the sea of people. He was rushing through the endless crowds, beads of sweat clung on his forehead and his face was red. “Hey, Sakusa… I am so sorry for being late.” He said, catching his breath as he stood before Sakusa. The dark hair man was not impressed with his efforts. He exhaled deeply as if to calm himself and said, “Good to see you too Ushijima. Let head to restaurant. We both need to get out of this cold.” He then gestured Ushijima to follow him and soon the two merged into the crowd, heading to their destined location.<br/>
The restaurant had a cozy and warm ambience with yellow soft lights brightening the place. There weren’t many customers so the two took seats near the big window and placed their meals to the waiter. Sakusa took off his muffler and placed it neatly on the table beside him. He was all dressed in form fitting black shirt and dress pants with long black matte coat that reached to middle of his thighs, quite formal for a simple meeting with a friend but then again, he was Sakusa Kiyomi, he was the embodiment of clean and tidiness. His dark curls were a mess on top of his head. Ushijima took off his gloves and put it in his coat pockets.<br/>
“I apologize again for being late. The traffic was horrible. I am not very fond of New York.’’ Sakusa took a long sip from his glass of water and shook his head. “It’s fine. It has been so long since we last met, Ushijima.” Ushijima nodded. “Well. We have both been busy. Plus I spent most of my time in Paris so…” Sakusa’s long fingers drummed against the wooden table top as he silently zoned out to the snowy scenery outside. “…You and Tendou still together?”<br/>
If he was being his usual self, he wouldn’t blatantly ask such rude thing to another person. But he wasn’t so his lips weren’t filtered. His boss was going back to Japan at the end of the month and the time he had to make a decision was coming to an end faster than he wanted to. Ushijima’s face stiffened a bit but he soon smiled slightly as he raised his left hand. “We are married. For half a year now…” A slight pang went off inside Sakusa’s chest but he composed himself. “Really? Congratulations. I didn’t know.”<br/>
‘’Yea, because of our tight schedules, we couldn’t make it a big ceremony. But we are hoping to hold a reception in coming spring. I will send you an invite.” Sakusa nodded and raised his glass to cheer his newly wedded friend. Soon the food arrived and the two talked about their jobs and daily lives, catching up with each other. For a few hours, Sakusa forgot about his worries and listened to his friend talk about his relationship with genuinely happy attitude. The two ordered some wine and relaxed in the seat, there was soft violin music playing in the background and the dramatic effect rose ten folds as the snow showered heavily outside the window.<br/>
Sakusa swirled his glass and watched the liquid moved reflecting the light from chandelier over their heads. “…Ushijima…” “Hmm?” “Don’t you ever feel scared?” His eyes were glued to the liquid inside the tall glass. “Scared of what?” he sipped his glass and sighed happily as the wine warmed inside of his throat. “…What will happen when you break up? From the way you speak and talk, I can see you truly love Tendou. What will you do when you have to break up one day? One day you wake up and he is no longer there. What will you do when you got older and you are the only one left in this world…Aren’t you afraid of that?” Sakusa looked at Ushijima expectantly.<br/>
Ushijima stared at the dark haired guy before him. The way he speak those words showed him the one who afraid of uncertainty here was him. He had heard from a friend of a friend that he had broke up with his long term boyfriend a couple years back. Nobody knew why. Not even Komori knew the exact details and Ushijima wasn’t the one to meddle in other people affairs. But now sitting across from the man, who held a high position as a lawyer and a desirable gentleman, was supposed to have figured out his life down to detail looking so lonely and desolated, Ushijima couldn’t help but wanted to step in to comfort a good friend. “…I do…all the time.” He said after a long pause.<br/>
“Every day when I open my eyes and every night when I close my eyes. I am also afraid to lose my other half. I love Satori with all my heart and soul. I would die a thousand times for him. But I too know one day we will have to part way either by something in life or by death.” Sakusa didn’t realize he was holding his breath. His heart was beating painfully loud inside his chest. Every single words burn through his mind like acid on paper. “That’s why I am giving my all when I can still stay by his side. Even knowing one day we will be separated…I will still choose to bear that pain for all the love and happiness I have with him now.”<br/>
Sakusa gripped the glass shakily. Ushijima watched the man getting paler with each passing minute and he sighed finally understanding what his deal was. “Sakusa…I am not very good at comforting others but as a friend, I am obligated to help you when you are lost. Frankly, I wasn’t going to give you this, not after what I heard from Komori a few months back. But now I believe you need this.” He took out a paper from his pocket and pushed it toward Sakusa. Being overwhelmed by emotions, Sakusa felt numb and cold. He reached out to the paper and looked at it. It was a ticket for a concert. The Black Jackals.<br/>
For a moment, he couldn’t find words but stared at the ticket. Since he decided he was going to end things between them, he cut off all the communications with him. Not even once he searched for his name or his band on internet. It had been 2 years. 2 whole years. But his wound was not healing. Instead it had plunged deeper inside and festering. “I…” “I don’t care what you do with the ticket…but I highly suggest you go see it. Go see him. Then you will know what you are scared of.” He run his long fingers over the ticket and felt cold as the paper rested against his palm.<br/>
“Consider it as my apology for being late.” Ushijima said with a faint smirk as he finished his drink. The two spent the time together in more idle conversations and neither mentioned anything about his relationship until they went separate way to their homes. “Sakusa….” Ushijima called after him as he was about to get into taxi. “I hope you are able to fix it.” He said in a loud voice before the swarms of people drowned him out. Sakusa smiled a little as he watched Ushijima’s big body being carried away. He waved him goodbye and got in the taxi which soon headed to his lonely apartment.<br/>
Inside the yellow cab, Sakusa Kiyomi sat with Black Jackals concert ticket in his hand. A million thoughts going through his head as he watched the bright lights of New York City.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys, I hope you are all doing good and safe. I am sorry for late updates. I been swamped with work since I am now stationed at ICU care center for Covid. Things been hectic. But I will update regularly before the month is over. </p><p>Stories are where I express my deepest feelings. It is really hard for me to write happy things because I am not much of a happy person. So sorry to drag you guys along with my whims... lol</p><p>I wrote this chapter listening to Lindsey Striling's Gavi's song. It is second track from her that make me tear up.<br/>Hope you enjoy this and leave your thoughts. XOXOXOX </p><p>stay safe and healthy dearest.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Make you Mine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What do you fear in life? </p><p>Everyone fears something and biggest out of the list is fear of loss. We are all scared of losing something important to us. It could be a pen, a photo, a spouse, a child, parents or pets…We as human do not want to lose anything no matter how insignificant it might be from us…once we claim them, they are ours and ours for all eternity. That ego, that greed is what ruins most relationships in our daily lives but they are also what keep things in balance.</p><p> So how do we deal with that? Some run away from getting attached, some fight for it, some destroy it with their own hands and some don’t take responsibility for it… What is the right answer? Not taking anyone’s opinion but yours alone. What will you do?</p><p>Sakusa stared at the clock on the wall, ticking away without a care as the anxiety grew thick inside him. He was already dressed for the concert which was going be held in next couple of hours but he couldn’t carry his legs out of his apartment. He even left early from work just for this. He sighed and rubbed his face exhaustedly. Should he go? He was<br/>
afraid. There were a million things holding him back and he couldn’t even begin to think about anything. </p><p>Amidst his vortex of worries, the alarm he set on his phone chimed…Nervously he took out and dismissed the notification. He had no other choice…actually he did but nothing he wanted at that moment than see the man who was gonna sing at this sketchy looking rock concert. He remembered what Ushijima said… and he agreed with him. No matter what he decided, he needed to see Atsumu one last time…he needed…and wanted to. </p><p>With that, he grabbed his jacket and headed out of the house. He needed to stop being such a coward all the time. Determined, he hailed for a taxi and headed to the concert across town where the old flame he thought he had extinguished would once again appear in his life whether he liked it or not. </p><p>Atsumu stared at the mirror before him. He was nervous; this was the second tour of the band in foreign country and first in US. He shakily grabbed a water bottle and emptied it in two gulps. “Geh….the heck with sparkling water.” He scrunched his nose and threw it in trash can. New York…he looked at the statue of liberty printed on the poster of his band. Isn’t this where Omi….No, not Omi. Sakusa moved to couple years back? There was a dull pain inside his chest as he continued stared at it in a daze.</p><p> “…mu…Tsumu…MIYA ATSUMU!!!”A sudden yell made him jumped out of his seat and alarmed he looked at the culprit with wide eyes. “Jeezus…Samu...Ya trying to kill me?” He patted his chest and sighed. Osamu came in with an annoyed look on his face. “Are ya sleepy or what?” He placed two onigiri on his table and stood with his arms crossed. Atsumu seeing Osamu made his favorites beamed so bright, he looked like a ten year old kid. “Aww…Samu...Ya love me…” he purred and grabbed the food.</p><p> “Ya wish. I am here to look after ya and take ya profit. Suna is looking after the stall so I have some times to feed ya rat.’’ “Don’t be rude…” Atsumu mumbled through the bites which earned him a disgusted look from Osamu. He struggled to swallow but some stuck in his throat making him choke. “Oh my god…” Osamu exclaimed and threw him a water bottle which the latter grabbed hastily before poured it down his throat in a rush. “…cough…cough…that was good.” He breathed and wiped his mouth with back of his hand. “Ya are more of a mess than a kid. Wait till ya fans hear about this.” </p><p>“My fans love me.” Osamu scoffed it off and watched Atsumu sat back at his seat. “Are ya wearing those emo eyeliners again?” Atsumu bent closer to the mirror and reapplied 2way powder on his face. “…that is not emo. Catch up with the trend will ya. And no, I am not.” He said turning his head side to side to check and he smiled, satisfied with himself. “Aran said we are going plain this time because we can’t afford harsh critic the very first time we get a tour.” “I am glad to hear that. Ya looked like starved raccoon with all that black eye liner.” Atsumu threw a used tissue at his brother. </p><p>“Stop with the mean names…I looked like a very beautiful Panda at worst.” Hearing that, Osamu burst out laughing. “Ya…wheeze….Ya Panda….oh my stomach hurt…” Atsumu turned red and he threw empty tissue box at Osamu who couldn’t avoid it as he was laughing his guts out, hit him squarely on his head. “Ya little…” the two prepared to fight it out but they were stopped by alarm from Atsumu’s phone. “Oh shit…” Atsumu cursed as he rushed to gather his guitar, bracelets and shoe. “God, just stop messing up the stuff. Sit and wear your chains and stuff.” Osamu said annoyed as he watched Atsumu trying to tie the laces on his boots while two silver chains hang loosely on his shoulder and his mouth was stuffed with an onigiri.</p><p>Osamu sat on a chair before him and pulled his twin’s leg on his thigh. Pleased by Osamu’s caring act, Atsumu smiled sheepishly with half chewed onigiri between his teeth. “What are ya going to do without me, ya ass?” Osamu scolded the older twin as he tied both shoe laces and threw his feet down. “Ow…Ya the best Samu.” He said with a wink and adjusted the chains on his neck. “I am kind of nervous to perform tonight.” “Why?” He sighed and looked at the poster again… “Do you think…?” “What?” He sighed trying to pick the last words carefully. “Do you think Sakusa will come see me? Not me. I mean the show. Our show...” </p><p>Osamu’s face stiffened and he narrowed his eyes at the blonde twin. “Ya said ya over him. Why ya bringing him up again?” Atsumu smiled nervously…”Nothing…It is just…I just…” “Let it go, Tsumu. I can’t allow that jerk to screw ya over again. Not after…” “I know. I know. It is just a question. Don’t go all wolf on me. I am…over him.” Atsumu raised his arms in defeat as Osamu glared at him. “Fine. Then get ya ass out of here. It is starting…” He gave Atsumu his guitar and raised the curtains. The blonde took the guitar and smiled widely as he trotted toward the stage. Osamu watched his brother’s back as he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. “That idiot….’’ </p><p>Atsumu jumped onto stage and several white lights shone on him. His blonde hair shone like gold but nothing was more radiant than his dazzling smile which made the crowd cheered so loud, the roof even vibrated. He was so happy to stand in spotlight on this stage with his trusted band mates and being showered with lover from hundreds of people. But yet…that couldn’t fill the empty hole inside his chest. He lied to Osamu…he wasn’t over Sakusa. Not at all, not even a little bit. </p><p>Aran beat the drums and the lively rock music rolled out into the huge hall. Atsumu grabbed the mike and let the lyrics rolled down his tongue, soon everyone, everything drowned in streams of music and cheers. </p><p>Sakusa cursed under his breath as he run out of the taxi. He really should have thought about the traffic and came out earlier. The concert had already started and he was sure he missed more than 2/3 of it. Impatiently he gave the staff ticket and grabbed the complimentary beer and a stamp before he run inside. When he arrived at the hall, the band was doing their solo instrumental song. Beats of electric guitar and drums riled up the crowd and Sakusa who knew nothing about rock music, stood stunned as he stared at the massive crowd in surprise. </p><p>He didn’t know he was this famous already. He knew he had great voice and he loved when he played his guitar and sang for him. And he knew the guy had so much potential and he was proud of him. Smiling sadly, he emptied the beer in his hand and waded through the crowd to get closer to the stage. He looked around and saw men and women of various age singing praise and love for Atsumu. And the familiar bitter taste rose in his throat. </p><p>This was what he hated. He hated to see people trying to get close to Atsumu…he hated to share his boyfriend, his lover with many others. He hated…and scared…He was scared that one day; Atsumu might wake up and saw Sakusa for who he really was. A boring stuck up man who had no bone of fun like Atsumu did. He knew nothing about music nor was he interested in it. They were both two very different people. Atsumu was a free spirit while Sakusa was more of a grounded person. </p><p>What if Atsumu realized he could be with a much more understanding and fun lover than Sakusa? Ah that bitter disgusting taste that made him lack sleep for years back when they were still in relationship. Atsumu was bisexual…he was gorgeous and he could have his pick of any men and women if he wanted. Why would he stick with a formerly straight man like Sakusa who shared none of his interest with him? He gripped the empty plastic cup and crumpled it. </p><p>All those thoughts drove him insane and he was jealous. He was afraid. He was scared and insecure. So instead of trying to solve it, he chose to run away. Wouldn’t it hurt less if he was the one who broke it off first? Then Atsumu would also be free to choose his partner and be famous and popular without shackles around his ankles. He was such a selfish person. “What am I doing here….” He mumbled as he felt tears stung his eyes. Decided it would be best, if he just leave. He then started to go back the way he came. </p><p>Suddenly, all the lights dimmed and one white light shone. Hesitantly, Sakusa turned his head back to the stage. Atsumu had come back to the stage. His blond hair was a wet mess on his head. His brown eyes shone with vigor and delight. He smiled and waved at the crowd. Sakusa couldn’t move. He stared at the blonde who was jumping and walking side to side on stage. He wore a long sleeves white V neck T shirt and skinny black jeans that were ripped at the thighs. His shirt was sticking to his body with sweat.</p><p> He picked up his guitar from floor and tuned it as the crowd cheered. That smile…that face…Sakusa felt a lump stuck inside his throat. He couldn’t hear the cheers or anything but his own heart beat at the moment. “At...Atsumu…” the words rolled out of his trembling lips unconsciously. The name he hasn’t utter in over two years sounded as if it was just yesterday. A tear rolled down his cheeks. </p><p>He missed him. He missed him. More than he could understand. More than he wanted to. A fist clenched over his chest, his eyes never wavered from the person on stage. The face that used to snuggle on his chest…the smile that always greeted him…the lips that always gave the sweetest kiss….the hands….that he let go. Why…how could he….how could he let that hand go? He didn’t realize that he was crying until a girl beside him poked his arm. “Um….I am sorry….do you need a tissue?” she said with an awkward smile. Only then Sakusa realized he was crying. He quickly wiped his face and smiled at the girl. “Um…Thank you.” “No problem…here.” She said cheerfully and placed a packet of tissue in Sakusa’s hand. He was about to say no need when there came a loud strung of strings. </p><p>“…Hey guys…This is Miya Atsumu of Black Jackals…Are you having fun?” The crowd roared in unison making Sakusa uncomfortable to be in a crowd but he couldn’t move or go back now. “…I am glad. Me and the guys are thankful to you guys for your support!!! So I decided to sing one more song.” “YES!!!!!” Sakusa tried to make himself small and invisible among the eager and excited fans. </p><p>“…It is a cover song. Make you mine by Public! I…a long time ago….I had a special someone.” The crowd became quiet and Sakusa felt as if he was exposed with his echoing heart beats in this crowd. Atsumu smiled a sad one and he run his fingers over the guitar strings. “I…wanted…no. I want to sing this song for that person. No matter where they may be….So here it goes guys…” Atsumu started playing the guitar. </p><p>In the dark room, a white light showered over him. Sakusa found himself mesmerized and couldn’t peel his eyes away from him not even for a split second. </p><p>“Well, I will call you darling’ and everything will be okay…<br/>
’Cause I know that I am yours and you are mine<br/>
Doesn’t matter anyway…<br/>
In the night, we’ll take a walk, it’s nothing funny…<br/>
Just to talk…’’ like honey and nectar the voice flowed into the crowd sweetly. Several people waved their hands in unison entranced in Atsumu’s voice. Sakusa was one of them. But to him those particular words stung and pained rather than sweet and comforting.</p><p>”Put your hand in mine<br/>
You know that I want to be with you all the time<br/>
You know that I won’t stop until I make you mine.<br/>
You know that I won’t stop until I make you mine.<br/>
Until I make you…mine” Atsumu closed his eyes and felt each syllabus of the lyrics with his whole heart. He wanted to make Sakusa his. No, he thought he was already his. But how wrong he was…I just want to be with you all these time…Omi. He felt a warm tear rolled down his cheek and a shudder run through his body but his lips and hands kept playing the music as if he wasn’t actually falling apart on stage. He inhaled deeply and reminded himself that he had to keep a fun face on for his audience. Opening his eyes as his hands picked up the tempo. </p><p>“………….So kiss me till I’m sorry, babe, that you are gone and<br/>
I’m a mess<br/>
And I’ll hurt you and you’ll hurt me and we’ll say<br/>
Things we can’t repeat….” </p><p>At this point, Sakusa was starting to feel as if he was singing about them. How he wanted to hold that hand and kiss that face so much…how much he long to hug that blond male in his arms again…But he was the one who ruined everything between them. Because of his jealousy, his insecurities and his fear of abandonment…he with his own two hands destroyed the love between them. </p><p>Sakusa couldn’t turn away from him even though he wanted to…it pained him so much to…He wanted to reach out to that hand. He needed to. Even if he would be rejected…even if he would be left behind…Once again he wanted to feel that warmth beside him. He yearned for him…He loved him. Atsumu smiled at a fan who was waving a massive sign of his name and waved at her. She squealed and jumped in her place. How cute…</p><p>His eyes run through the endless crowd randomly as he continued sang his heart out.<br/>
”Put your hand in mine<br/>
You know that I want to be with you all the time<br/>
You know that I won’t stop until I make you mine.<br/>
You know that I won’t stop…..” he stopped abruptly. </p><p>His eyes widened and he stared at that one spot in the crowd. The band looked at each other didn’t know what happened. The crowd too hushed quickly and whispers begin to rise. But Atsumu didn’t and couldn’t hear any of that. His brown eyes were glue to a dark curly haired man standing a few feet away from the stage. Both of their eyes met and the two did nothing, just stared at each other as if they were in a trance, a world of their own. </p><p>“Omi….” His voice was so quiet, nobody heard it. But he was sure…Sakusa heard it. Sakusa noticed the big brown eyes boring holes into him and he couldn’t breathe for a whole minute…only just stared back at them. The light in them dimmed as mist started to form. A sad smile broke out on Sakusa’s face and his hand unconsciously clenched onto his chest as he kept his eyes on Atsumu. Atsumu’s body shook and he could no longer hold back the tears. The crowd gasped in surprised as they noticed Atsumu was crying.<br/>
Aran run up the stage and whispered something to Atsumu. The latter immediately wiped his face with sleeves of his arm and started playing his guitar again. But his eyes were still not moving from that one person in the crowd. </p><p>“Until I make you mine…<br/>
Put your hand in mine<br/>
You know that I want to be with you all the time.<br/>
Oh darling, darling, baby, you’re so very fine.<br/>
You know that I won’t stop until I make you mine.<br/>
Until I make you<br/>
La-la-la-la La-la-la-la<br/>
La-la-la-la<br/>
La-la-la-la…………….” The moment he finished the song…he quickly waved at the audience and immediately rushed down the stage. </p><p>He could hear the disappointed whines from the crowd but at the moment he couldn’t care. He ran toward his room, ignoring several people trying to stop him. “Tsumu! What happened?” Osamu run after him into the room. The other twin was busy looking around the room for an escape as if he had seen a ghost. “I saw him….Samu. He is here…” Osamu tried to grab his brother hand but the latter shook him off and hugged himself instead. </p><p>“Who is here? What is happening, Tsumu? Ya are scaring me.” “Omi! Omi is here. I saw him. He was there.” Osamu stopped in his tracks. “…Are you sure? I mean….” “I am not fking crazy, Samu. He is here. He came see me.” Osamu wanted to scream from anger but at the moment, he better stayed calm for his brother who was this close to fall apart. “Ok. Ok. Ya know what. Sit down. Drink water. I will be back with some sweets to calm ya down. We will talk then. Ok?” He guided Atsumu to the chair and asked him as if he was a little kid. Atsumu nodded absentmindedly. To this, Osamu just sighed and quickly headed out of the room to find this so called Omi in the sea of people. </p><p>Atsumu bit his nails as he waited for Osamu return. He was there. Omi was there. 2 years. It had been two whole years. His heart was beating the same painful tunes ad he couldn’t bear to feel that again. No. No. It was over between them. They broke up. He was supposed to marry some women. Omi would not come here. No. It was his delusion. He pulled on his hair and then out of nowhere, pushed all the stuff before him off the table. A loud crash came as the cosmetic bottles broke hitting the floor. </p><p>He looked at the reflection in the mirror and couldn’t stop but felt suffocated. He turned and grabbed his hoodie. Without saying a word, he run out of the room and then finally left the concert hall. Loud traffic noise and cold air greeted him as soon as he stepped out. He sniffled and looked out into the opening where people and cars were busy in their own way. Where was he planning to go? Did he even have any place to go? Anywhere? Beads of tears soaked his face as he breathed in the cold air. Lonely. He felt desperately alone. </p><p>“Atsumu!” someone called him from behind. Damn, Samu was going to give him a lecture again. Or was it Aran? Sighing as he let his fate consumed him; he turned around to see the person. But there was no Osamu or Aran. There was but one Sakusa Kiyomi standing a few steps away from him. He had his jacket over black shirt. His curls were a mess on top of his head. He seemed out of breath as if he ran all the way here. Atsumu opened his mouth to speak but no words came. He took a step back…</p><p>”Atsumu…I….” without replying anything; he turned on his heel and run in opposite direction. Sakusa was surprised by his action but before he knew it, he too was running after than blonde male. “Atsumu…wait….” He called after him but the man was keen in his steps. He sprinted faster and faster and soon found himself in a vacant playground. He stopped, heavily breathed in cold air as he panted. He didn’t even know why he was running. He couldn’t bear to face Sakusa…not if he was already married…No…He didn’t want to see that….Big drop of tears stained the cold ground. </p><p>“Man…you sure can run…” A sudden voice startled him and he immediately turned around see a breathless Sakusa standing before him. His throat constricted and he felt tears threatening to fall. But he bit his lips and glared at the raven haired man. “Atsumu…” He flinched as Sakusa stepped closer. “I…I am sorry…” Atsumu didn’t see anything but red for a minute. He lunged forward and hit Sakusa on the face. The latter stumbled back, a hug red mark appeared on his face. “….Atsumu…I deserve it. Please hear me out…”<br/>
Atsumu bit his lips and hit him again, this time on other side. “I love you….I love you so much... Tsumu…” Sakusa shouted the words in between gasps and groans. Atsumu cried….and he started hitting him everywhere. “No….No…..’’ Sakusa stood firm and took all the beating to his chest. “I love you, Tsumu. I do. I really do. I need you and I love you. No one else…but you.” He hugged the raging Atsumu tight while the other wailed and beat the hell out of him. “You can’t….” He hiccupped…”you can’t….No….Omi….” “I am sorry. It’s all my fault…I should never have leave you. Tsumu, I love you. Please….” </p><p>Atsumu buried his face in Sakusa’s shoulder and his hands grabbed tight on his back. Sakusa nuzzled his nose in Atsumu’s hair and breathed in the warmth that was like mid summer evenings. Tears stained his face and his heart found a steady beat. He felt belonged. He was belonged in this two arms. “Omi….” Atsumu sobbed. “…I am so sorry to have hurt you, Tsumu…I am sorry…” “Omi!!!...You asshole….you left me….” He cried even harder and even though the playground was empty, a few passer bys stared at the two with curious eyes. But none of them cared. </p><p>Sakusa kissed Atsumu’s head and bend closer to him. “…I know….I am sorry. I truly am…I leant no one can replace you. You are my one and only. Please, Tsumu….take me back. Give me a chance.” His voice cracked as he pleaded. Atsumu sobbed, rubbing his snots and tears on Sakusa’s coat. “…Omi…you can’t break my heart….Not again…” “I won’t…I would never again…”  </p><p>The two hugged each other in desperate passion. Finally putting the fear aside and accepting the happiness that they both deserve. Sakusa Kiyomi decided at that moment…He would rather love a life time than suffer a life time. A life time….is a very short time… “I will love you not a life time but forever…Tsumu…For a very long time…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>....we are close to the end....</p><p>Hope you enjoy this. I will come with update in a few days. The song is Make you mine by Public. Acoustic version better than original but it a really good song</p><p>Leave your thoughts I'd love to hear from ya. XOXOXOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Happiness…All of us desire and yearn for it throughout our time here on earth. We want and we crave it. It is like some kind of drug we can never get enough of. And like addicts that we are, we willing to do anything which ascertain we will be granted of it. <br/>Through various means we chase after it. It is as if we were born to search and pave our ways to it. It does get tiring and by the time you reached the end of tunnel, you would be all tattered and worn out. But that single happiness you fought to bone and teeth will revive your withered soul. You won’t be flawless anymore but they would remain with you as scars to remind you what gave you happiness in your life.<br/>For Sakusa Kiyomi, the scars came even in physical form. <br/>After they hugged it out in the playground, the two were soon discovered by Osamu and others. Boy, was the younger twin pissed off. He punched Sakusa till the other fell to his knees and Atsumu had to restrain him. “…SAMU! Stop it…You are killing him.” He shouted at the top of his lungs, pulling on his brother’s arm while his lover was on his knee, battered. “…Atsumu…it’s fine. I deserve it...” Sakusa said as he wiped his cracked lips with back of his hand and stood up, bracing for any other punch coming his way. But they didn’t come. <br/>Osamu was furious, his eyes were red and it really looked like he wanted to kill Sakusa. Atsumu didn’t dare to breathe, he had never seen his brother like this and frankly, he didn’t know what he should do at the moment. “Let me go, Tsumu.’’ Osamu said after a few minutes of glaring at Sakusa and pulled his arm free. “…Samu…” “I am letting ya off because of this idiot brother of mine. Ya make him cry one more time I will rip ya head off from Yer fugly curls. I warned ya…” he pointed a finger at him as he stood as a shield before Atsumu who gaped his mouth in surprised. Sakusa sniffled and nodded. <br/>“I understand. I will never make him cry in my life. Ever again…I will prove it to ya.” “Ya need to prove to him. Not me, Sakusa.” Osamu then zipped his jacket and turned away to face Atsumu. “Yer stupid, Tsumu. But I can’t stop ya if he is what ya want…” Atsumu’s eyes were filled with tears as his brother nudged his shoulder with his fist gently. He then left the couple to themselves and headed back to the concert hall to take care of things. Being a twin was not an easy job. He silently cursed under his breath as he rushed through the roads. <br/>“Let’s head to my hotel to clean you up.” Atsumu extended his hand to Sakusa who stood and just stared at him, his dark orbs mysterious as ever. Sakusa looked at the slender fingers reaching out to him and acute pain stabbed him from inside. How could he let go of this hand? He had to be the stupidest bastard in whole wide world. He shakily held onto Atsumu’s cold hands and tightly gripped them. “…Thank you…” he looked at Atsumu whose face was wrecked with tear streaks and dust. “…For still loving me…I…” Atsumu gave his hand a squeeze. “I…knew you are a worry wart, Omi. You are not like me from the start. You changed for me. You…” <br/>Sakusa closed their distance and held his face gently in his palms. “…No…Don’t blame yourself for my mistakes. I am the indecisive one. I was a coward. I…I was scared…” “I was scared…one day, you will see how boring and flawed I am and you will leave me. I am too much in love with you…I didn’t know what would I do when that happen. And I…” He gasped as the urged to cry rise again. “…I will never stop loving you, Omi. You are stupid to think otherwise. Don’t you think I already know your behaviors and all your weird thoughts?” Atsumu chuckled as he held Sakusa’s hand on his face. “…You have nothing to worry about me leaving you, Omi-omi. Because you came back to me. I am never letting you go. Ever again.”<br/> The two laughed at Atsumu’s words and tenderly they kissed for the first time in a long time. And it was even more overwhelming than anything they had ever done before. “Let’s go…” Sakusa said as the two stared into each other’s eyes, breathless. Atsumu nodded and both headed to get a Taxi back to Atsumu’s hotel. <br/>Atsumu stood near the wide window of the hotel room, in his bathrobe. He was nervous and he could hear his heart racing faster with each minute. He emptied a whole glass of wine in single motion and cringed as the sour liquid burn his throat. He glanced back at the bathroom where Sakusa was taking his bath and he gulped. He ran his sweaty hands over the soft fabric of white bathrobe and stiffly walked over to bed. The thought of them in one room was enough to make him turn red like a boiled octopus.<br/> In order to drive the thoughts away, he decided to fiddle with his phone. There were a lot of mails and notifications he missed. He opened his main account and saw a statement about how there was an emergency that needed him to cut the show short. He smirked knowing it was Aran and Osamu’s doing. There were a lot of fans fawning over him and the band. He sent likes to each and every one of them and decided to update his instagram. He quickly took a selfie, showing half of his face with dimmed yellow bed room light in background and posted with caption…”Feeling grateful to all the fans and the miracle that came to me tonight. XOXO” Instantly tons of likes and comments poured in within a minute. Pleased, he opened them to reply but stopped instantly as he felt a warm hand on his nape. “…Omi…” <br/>Sakusa massaged his ear lobe and then walked in front of the blonde. He rubbed his head a couple more times to dry the wet locks and then put it on a chair nearby. Atsumu turned redder than before and Sakusa smiled warmly as he found the man unbelievably adorable. “…I am sorry to interrupt. You done?” He sat on a chair and watched as Atsumu put his phone away. “Nah…nothing important. Checking my social accounts.” Sakusa nodded. “Right…” Both sat in awkward silence for a minute before they both started talking at the same time. “I have something…” “Omi, I want…” They stopped and chuckled at their action. <br/>“You go first…” Atsumu said and sat with both his hands on his thigh, making him look smaller in the puffy white robe. The way he sat with his brown eyes big and sparkling, Sakusa felt like he was a teenager meeting his crush for the first time. He cleared his throat to calm his fluttering heart. “I…I….ahem…Ok. I…know I have no right. But can we be lovers again? I want to be with you. No one else but you. I want to be your boyfriend, your partner in life. Atsumu…” He stood up and knelt before him, taking his hands in his sweaty ones. He looked up at Atsumu’s beautiful face and felt happiness he had never felt in his entire life. He felt satisfied and blessed.<br/> “…Please give me a chance to love you again…I swear on my life, I will never leave your side till I die. I want to be with you.’’ A single drop of tear trickled down Atsumu’s cheeks and he smiled as he wiped it away. He touched Sakusa’s face and traced his sharp features. “…You hurt me so deep, Omi. I felt like dying…but I have never stopped loving you. Not even for a minute. I…must be stupid to easily fall for you over and over again….” He chuckled through his tear and said, “But Omi…I too want to be with you forever….I love you, Omi.” Sakusa cried as he got up and kissed Atsumu deep and passionately. The latter held onto his shoulder and buried himself in his warm embrace. The two stumbled onto bed and rolled till Atsumu lie under Sakusa. Both panted as they looked at each other lovingly. <br/>“….Let’s make it official…” Sakusa said and reached around to get his phone. He wrapped his arms securely around Atsumu and took a photo. He then sat up leaving puzzled Atsumu behind. “…What are ya doing?” Atsumu whined and he crawled over to look over his shoulder. Sakusa posted the photo on his instagram, captioned, “The love of my life”. Atsumu was shocked by Sakusa’s brazen action. “Omi, you didn’t need to.” Sakusa tossed the phone away and turned back to Atsumu, circling his arms around his waist. “…Yes. I do. I don’t want to hide anything anymore. I want everyone to know who I am with. That won’t be a problem for you, right?” <br/>Atsumu held back his happy tears and he leaned in for a kiss. “…Never…” Sakusa smiled against his lips and deepened the kiss into a steamy hot one. He pinned Atsumu on the bed and smirked… “That was also to let the whole world know…you are mine…” Atsumu cocked a brow. “Oh is that so? You know what…Omi?” He grabbed Sakusa’s arm and wrestled him so that he was on top, straddling him. “…You are mine as well…” Sakusa smiled his wet hair sticking on his face as they two continued to kiss each other hungrily and passionately. “Omi….give it to me…I want to make sure you are here…You are mine, again…” he held on Sakusa’s neck as the other left trails of kisses and bite marks along his neck…<br/>Sakusa grunted as Atsumu bit down on his shoulder hard and then kissed and licked away the beads of blood like an adorable cat. “…Now you are mine….” He smiled cheekily which soon turned into moans as Sakusa fondled his chest and played with his sensitive nubs. He curled his toes and thrust his hips higher to meet with Sakusa’s. “No…I want to love and feel every part of your body.”  He held down his hips and started to kiss downward his navel. Atsumu whined as he put his fingers in Sakusa’s dark curls. Sakusa bit and suckled on his V line and trailed similar purplish marks all over his thighs. <br/>“Omi…stop…ah ah….playing.” Atsumu hissed as he purposely left his engorged erection and continued massaged his inner thighs. Sakusa smirked and without warning, he pushed his legs further apart. “What…” before he could finish, Sakusa drove his head down his erection and suck at the wet tip. Atsumu felt electric run through his body and he arched his hips. Pleased by his reaction, Sakusa continue to attack the organ as his finger massaged his forbidden hole. “No…Omi….I gonna…cum.” He pulled at his hair as the orgasm came close. Sakusa let go of the erection and he left the unsatisfied Atsumu glaring at him. “Relax, babe. I am going to take care of everything today.” With that he buried his face between his legs and licked his puckering hole. <br/>Atsumu trembled as he drove his tongue inside and started probing the entrance. “No… let go. Omi…No….” despite his protests, Sakusa kept at his job and soon, Atsumu shouted his name as he came hard and fiercely. His body shook as Sakusa wiped his mouth and smiled victoriously. “…You ass…” Atsumu cursed as Sakusa chuckled at his reaction. Atsumu then pushed him down and positioned himself over Sakusa’s already leaking erection. “Tsumu…” this was Sakusa’s time to moan. Atsumu slowly sat down on his organ and felt it tore him open painfully, yet deliciously. He took his time, taking in the whole thing and after a whole three minutes, he was shafted to root. ‘’O…Omi…I am so full…”he moaned as he touched a small bump on his lower abdomen. <br/>Sakusa’s face was colored red and he was having a hard time holding back… “Ah….Omi…You feel amazing….” Atsumu was out of it so much, he didn’t realize he was shaking his hips back and forth. “…Oh fuck…” Sakusa groaned heavily as he came deep inside. Surprised by his sudden release, Atsumu stopped. “Omi did you just….’’ Sakusa covered his face and replied, “…God, I am so embarrassed. Why the hell are you so sexy? ” <br/>Atsumu then let out a hearty laugh as he got off him, a stream of liquid leaked out as he snuggled close to Sakusa, kissing his bare chest. “…You are so damn sexy too…” Sakusa looked at him from corner of his eyes. “…Shut it…you are more erotic one.” He kissed Atsumu’s forehead and took the smaller male in his embrace. “And you are most beautiful…my beloved Tsumu.” Atsumu drove into his chest and reveled in the scent that he missed for year to his heart content. The couple snuggled each other as the sky outside took a deeper and darker shade. <br/>Afterward, Sakusa quitted his job. He bowed and apologized Jessica who held back her tears as she shook his hand. Everyone saw his coming out photo and as he suspected, his parents broke contact with him. They didn’t disown him outright but he was no longer welcomed at their household, not anymore. But thankfully, Atsumu stood by him through the whole ordeal, supporting him, loving him. Sakusa Kiyomi was blessed. <br/>The two bought a new apartment after they settled everything. Sakusa opened his own office for law practice and Atsumu continued with his band. Their lives were simple. They had each other, even though their busy schedules kept them apart most of the time. Sakusa went to every concert and watched his boyfriend shone on the stage. He began to realize how he didn’t feel the insecurities as much now, even though it still bugged him whenever they went on tour and he couldn’t go with them. Or when the fans acted more friendly than they should. And his relationship with Osamu was getting better even though he was still given third degree whenever he went to his shop together with Atsumu. <br/>Time flies and before he noticed, a whole year had passed since they reconciled. <br/>Sakusa stared at the huge pile of snow through the window. Atsumu went on tour for three months and even though, he acted cool and everything, Sakusa wasn’t pleased with it. Knowing Sakusa’s jealous side, Atsumu planned a getaway for them to a great hot spring in Hokkaido. “Morning….” Atsumu yawned as he turned to Sakusa who was leaning against the head board drifting away in his own thoughts. Hearing his boyfriend woke up, he smiled and patted Atsumu’s messy head as the latter hugged at his waist… <br/>“Morning, babe…” He kissed the top of his head as the other sigh contentedly in his embrace. “You look so gorgeous shirtless…” Atsumu winked naughtily. Sakusa smirked as his legs snaked between Atsumu’s and reminded him of their utter nakedness under heavy blankets. “…Three rounds last night weren’t enough?” Atsumu turned red and he covered his head. “Nope. I am fine. Thank you.” Sakusa chuckled at his reaction but he soon became silent quickly. <br/>“Omi?” Sakusa stared at Atsumu, starting to make Atsumu anxious. He got up and sat face to face. “Something wrong?” Sakusa sighed and held his hands. “Tsumu…” “Yes? What is it?” “You are scaring me…” He tightened his grip on Sakusa’s hands. “…Let’s get marry.” For a minute, Atsumu sat in a daze. His brain was not functioning. Sakusa took out a ring box from night stand and opened it, revealing two matching platinum rings. “….I have been planning to ask you before your tour but didn’t get the time. And what’s better setting than a snowy morning to propose?” <br/>He smiled making his dark eyes twinkle. “I want to wake up beside you every day. Go to sleep with you in my arms. Kiss you. Be with you. I want to keep doing that my whole life. Will you be my husband, Miya Atsumu?” His voice trembled at the end. His face was filled with hope and nervousness. Tears fall down Atsumu’s face and he nodded his head fiercely. He couldn’t speak for emotions were drowning him out. “Yes…YES…I will marry you. Omi…” Sakusa let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and laughed as Atsumu jumped to kiss him. The two rings sat on the couple’s fingers as they embraced each other, finally becoming whole. <br/>Outside the window, the entire world was turning white, covered in endless snow. When the wind blew, you could hear the soft thuds of snow angels’ feet on the roof tops. It was truly glorious and poetic.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted to write to the end but it already 1am here and my eyes are dead tired. So there will be one last chapter soon. </p>
<p>I am hella sleepy to write lots of notes now. Listened to Main Theme of The Untamed.  <br/>Yep HUGEEE fan of Wuxia. </p>
<p>See u soon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. There's Only Two Of Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Life goes on. The easiest excuse for us to let go of the bitter experience that happened to us. Even though the sky is the limit for humans, there are things we can do nothing but to close our eyes and accept it. But it is not in human nature to roll over and let it all over. We will fight till the end, down to our bones and teeth. But truly… Is it what we should do? Or shouldn’t…there is no one who is going to judge us. And that is free will. <br/>There was a moment in his daily life that Sakusa Kiyomi cherish to his bones. That was the early morning he woke up and saw his lover lying asleep in his arms. The way his bleached blonde stands covered his adorable face. The way his chest moved with soft breaths. The way he smelt like warm summer days when he nuzzled in his neck. There was nothing he would not give to keep that moment forever. <br/>It had been three years since they married. There were tons of happy moments and there were also a lot of fights he lost count of. But they were still together happy in each other arms. Both of them had hit their early thirties. Sakusa’s law firm was doing great and Atsumu’s career took off and he had become an international sensation. Sakusa stoked his lover’s face gently and smiled as the man mumbled in his sleep. <br/>He felt blessed. It was not like he didn’t feel the insecurities anymore. They still haunted him in the back of his mind. But every time he thought about letting those consumed him…he remembered how Atsumu looked when he walked down the aisle. In gray suit, holding onto his father’s arms as he walked toward him who was in a black suit, waiting him at the altar, the blush that tinted his face and the smile. <br/>He remembered how painfully loud his heart was beating and how much he wanted to keep that smile on his face forever. He wanted and needed to try everything to make Atsumu’s heart beat better. And that single thought would blow every worries away. He tightened his arms around him and sighed contentedly into the blonde’s hair. “I…truly love you…” Atsumu’s lips stretched into a smile but he still pretended like he was still asleep. I love you too Omi….<br/>“Ok, why are ya in a bad mood?” Osamu asked as he stood before his twin who was moping at the counter. “I have customers coming. If ya gonna just mope, go back to yer home.” Osamu shooed him away with the towel. “…I am not moping. I am pissed.” He threw a tissue box at Osamu who caught it midair. “…Why? Ya Omi left again?” “Screw ya. Don’t even…” Atsumu’s face turned red as the words he feared the most were thrown at him. Realizing he made a mistake. Osamu surrendered and sat beside him. “I was just joking. What happened?” Atsumu sighed as he sat back down. “Omi left on business trip. He didn’t even tell me in person. Just a message.” He said as he showed Osamu his call log. <br/>“That’s it? Are ya serious? I thought something big happen.” Osamu said annoyed and felt funny at the same time. “…. He left before I wake up, ok? He should have woken me up.” Atsumu pouted as he drowned a sake cup. “…Tsumu, he said here it is just one day trip. Yer over reacting. Give him some space, will ya?” Osamu got up, shaking his head in disbelief. “…I know…It’s just…I miss him.” Atsumu lay his head on the counter and chewed a seaweed wrap. “I am so done with ya…. Clean the damn plate when ya done.” Osamu told him and he went over to other customers. <br/>Seeing that his brother won’t cater to his moody self, Atsumu put the plate in dishwasher and left the shop. On his way home, he called Sakusa. “…Hello...” “Hey, Tsumu…I am sorry, I been busy.” Atsumu stopped in his track as he tucked his hand in his coat pockets and sulked like a little kid. “…Tsumu, you there?” He sniffled and sighed. “…What ya doing?” He heard a relief sigh from other side. “…Work…I am sorry, babe. I should have told you before. I just…” “What work? Something you can’t tell me?” Atsumu felt like crying and even though he knew Sakusa loved him, he felt left out and alone. True, he didn’t understand much of Sakusa’s job but when his other self wouldn’t share his worries or burdens with him, he felt like he was incompetent. <br/>“…It’s not that. What are you talking about Tsumu?” “…You never tell me anything. How is your work…what case you working on…Not even when you have business trips to go. What am I to you?” Even though he didn’t want to make it a big deal, at the moment, he was not going to stop it. “Tsumu, it is not because of that. It’s just…there is nothing interesting about my job.’’ “Even if there is nothing interesting, I still want to know because I am interested in you. I want to know every part of you…Is it so wrong?” He gripped his fist and stopped his tears from falling down. <br/>Sakusa smiled as he leaned against the window and watched the city lights. “…Ok…” Atsumu sniffled and huffed. “Ok what?” Sakusa chuckled. “I will tell you everything when I get back tomorrow. You can’t say you are bored. Deal?” Atsumu smiled and nodded even though he knew he couldn’t see him. “…Deal… I miss you, Omi.” He whispered through the receiver. Sakusa felt warm as the words sunk into him. “Me too, Tsumu.” Atsumu continued trotted down the road to his house still talking happily away on the phone. “Good night, babe. I will see you in the morning.” “Mwah…” “The heck you doing?” Atsumu laughed heartily. “Giving you a good night kiss.” “You are so childish…” “What? I am not.’’ “Is that a 33 years old man supposed to be doing?” <br/>Sakusa laughed. “Shut it…Don’t talk about my age.” Atsumu huffed as he entered their building. “Even if you are old, I still love you. So, it doesn’t matter.” “…Yer become better at flirting, Omi-Omi.” He mumbled as he entered the elevator. “…I learnt from the best, after all.” Atsumu smiled and sighed in happiness. “…Ok I will let you go…Good night Omi.” “…Sleep well, my love. Mwah.” “Hey…you do it too…Omi?” the line went dead, leaving Atsumu giggling like a teenage girl. He wanted this happiness to last forever. He was going to make that happen. <br/>The papers on calendar flew at amazing speed. <br/>Sakusa held Atsumu’s hand as they walked through the park near their place. The trees were green and bushes were full of colorful flowers. College students lied on grass, laughing, studying, living their youth to fullest. Atsumu tugged Sakusa’s arm and they headed to a stone chair near the lake. “…I am loving this freedom I have now.” Atsumu said as he sat down, Sakusa following his suit. He finally retired from his music career at the age of 39 and dedicated himself to become stay in husband. Sakusa had no complaint. He finally had Atsumu all to himself after all. “Well…I have to say I like it. I like seeing you when I get back from work and kissing you before I leave in the morning.” <br/>He kissed his hand. “…Yer jealous side is showing Omi.” He chuckled as he stroked Sakusa’s leg. Sakusa smirked. “…So? I have no worries now. I don’t have to worry some fan girl stealing you.” Atsumu leaned closer to him and whispered. “…How about you steal me away right now and we can…’’ his hand trailed up Sakusa’s thigh suggestively. Sakusa cocked his brow. “…Someone is in heat…” “Ya don’t like it?” Sakusa kissed him on the lips gently and stood up. ‘’Love it so much. Come on, before I take you here in front of people.’’ Atsumu laughed heartily and took his hand. “…Ya dirty old man…’’ the two headed back to their home, hand in hand, enjoying each other presence to fullest. <br/>People say the romance died after a while if you are married for a long time. But it is truly a personal choice. Atsumu sneaked a peek from his magazine as Sakusa sat in front of him. He pushed his glasses as he ignored Atsumu’s eyes on him. Being older was not Atsumu’s favorite thing. Even though he was still beautiful and handsome as ever to others, in his eyes, the gray hair, the crow feet and losing muscle mass were horrid. He sighed as he closed his book. He was secretly reading on erectile dysfunction. It wasn’t because he had trouble in that department but he wanted to prepare for his future. Both of them were already 55 and 56 years old. <br/>“What’s on your mind?” Sakusa asked putting his book down. “Huh? No. It’s nothing.” Atsumu flustered as he put the book behind him. Sakusa took off his reading glasses and moved to his side. “…We been together for over 20years. You think you can lie to me?” He snaked his hand behind Atsumu’s back and pulled out the magazine the latter had hidden. “No…Omi!” Atsumu tried to take it back but Sakusa held it tight and won in the end. He flipped through the pages and stopped at his bookmarked page. “…Erectile dysfunction?” He cocked a brow and gave Atsumu a teasing smile. Atsumu pouted… “It’s nothing… Just that we are getting up on age and I wanted to be prepared.” <br/>Sakusa laughed out loud and wiped the tears. “Oh my…My Tsumu. You are so…’’ Atsumu’s face turned red and he started to hit Sakusa with a pillow. “…Stop it. Omi, you are so mean.” Sakusa took the pillow from him and pulled him into his arms. “Shall we go test out whether you have a problem or not?” “You sly old man…” Sakusa kissed his cheeks and pulled Atsumu on his laps. “Here?” Atsumu asked shyly as he straddle him, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Why not? It’s our house.” Sakusa said breathily as he kissed his neck. Atsumu whined as his lower part started to grind against Sakusa’s hard thighs.“…Even if you have ED, it will still workout.” Sakusa said as he drove his hands down Atsumu’s pants. The other let out sweet moans as he nibbled on Sakusa’s ears. <br/>As we grew, our skin wrinkle, our muscles waste away, our eye loses their gleam, our ear shut out to the world but yet our mind stayed the same as who we were years ago. We still love dearly as we did years ago. We still adore things to fullest. What we lack in physical, we fill up inside. <br/>“Cough…cough…” Sakusa held onto his chest as he threw the lit cigarette away. He looked at Tsumu who was sleeping on the armchair with a book opened on his lap and smiled full of adoration. He had turned 63 this year and even though he could see white stands of hair on his black head and the smile lines around his full lips, in his eyes, he was still the radiant and most beautiful thing he saw the first time on the stage. <br/>How was it possible? Even after 30years, his love for Atsumu stayed the same and grew more than he didn’t realize he could. “Cough…cough…. shit.” he cursed and got up. These days he been coughing more and more and he noticed he began to lose appetite. Must be some kind of cold or something. He took a blanket and covered the sleeping Atsumu. He stirred as he laid his hands on his cheeks. He rubbed his head against Sakusa’s hand. “…Omi…what’s wrong?” Sakusa smiled and pinched his cheeks. “Ouch…why ya do that?” Atsumu groaned. “If you are sleepy, go to bed. Sleeping like this is going to hurt your back again.” Atsumu stretched his arms and yawned. “I can’t. I have to go meet Samu. Sakura is coming back from her college today.” “Oh, is it today? I totally space on that and made a meeting today.” Atsumu got up and patted Sakusa’s chest. “I know. That’s why I told Samu ya can’t make it.” Sakusa held his hand on his chest and pulled him closer. “What will I do without you?” <br/>Atsumu smiled as he put his arms on his shoulder. The two looked at each other eye to eye with smiles plastered on their faces. Even if they were too old to be romantic fools, at this moment age didn’t matter. Atsumu was a 20-year-old college student and Sakusa the 19-year-old straight A law student. And they were the same people who shared steamy kiss under the rain in the football field of their college. They were the same and their love was the same burning supernova. Atsumu kissed lightly on his lips. “…Crashed and burn…Really.” The two then laughed as they hugged tight feeling each other heartbeat. Their lives were perfect. <br/>Osamu and Suna adopted a girl years ago and the kid was now a freshman at city college. Since she was the only baby between the two families, every one loved and doted on her. Sakusa and Atsumu talked about the adoption but because of their jobs nature, they decided not to go through with it. But now seeing Sakura laughing and playing with his fathers, Atsumu thought maybe they should have? He realized they were getting older and… He shoved the thoughts away as Osamu came to him. The onigiri shop owner sat beside his brother, the two were splitting image of each other now that Atsumu no longer dyed his hair. The smile lines were the ones that could be used to distinguish them. <br/>“What are ya thinking, rat?” he asked as he handed him a can of beer. Atsumu shoved his shoulder and took the drink. “Shut yer trap. Yer this old already and still haven’t grow up?” “…Whatever. Ya look like yer need to talk.” Atsumu sipped the beer and sighed. “…It’s nothing important. Just this and that.” Osamu patted his brother on the back and he too drank from a can. “…Don’t think too hard. Just enjoy the present…. beside yer head is not that good for all the difficult thoughts.” Atsumu punched his brother’s arm and the two laughed. “beep…beep…” “Tsumu, yer phone…” “Hmm?” Atsumu searched for his phone and found it in his pocket. “Seriously? Every time. Maybe I should just hang it around my neck?” He mumbled as he took the call. “Hello. This is Atsumu Sakusa speaking.” “Mr. Sakusa…This is XX hospital. We have a patient name Sakusa Kiyomi here in emergency department. We are informing…” “WHAT!” “Sir calm down...” “What happened to Omi? Please. Please. Is he ok?” “….”<br/> Atsumu didn’t wait for the answer, he closed the phone. His ears were ringing and he started to hyperventilate.<br/>“Tsumu…TSUMU! Hey. What happened? Is it Sakusa?” Osamu held his brother as the latter looked like he been hit by lightning. Suna came out as he heard the loud noises. “Samu, what happened?” “Rin get me a glass of water. Tsumu, hey listen to me.” “NO! Samu… Omi is in hospital…Omi…” tears fell and he shook his brother by his shoulder. “Here…drink some water.” “NO! there is no time. I got to go.” He pushed his way through Osamu and Suna but Osamu held on his arm and stopped him. “Yer in no condition to go. I will drive. Wait.’’ Atsumu stopped hearing this and he hugged his arms. No. Please God. Don’t let anything happen to Omi. God…please…We only have each other in this world. Osamu threw a jacket over his clothes and together with Atsumu, the two drove to the XX hospital. <br/>“Are you family?” the nurse asked as Atsumu sat buried his face in his hands as he rocked himself back and forth on a waiting chair. Osamu stood beside him. The nurse took several glances to the two, surprised by the identical faces. “…I am his partner. Atsumu Sakusa.” “I see. Please follow me. I will take you to his room. The doctors are doing their rounds so you will be able to have a conversation with him.” The nurse said and gestured him to follow her. “Tsumu…” “I am fine. Samu. Ya can go back. It’s too late.’’ He wiped his nose with back of his sleeves. “I will contact ya if I hear something. Go home.” Osamu stood frowning as he watched Atsumu’s small frame walked away from him and he sighed deeply. All the best, Tsumu. He then left the hospital with heavy heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am feeling generous so there gonna be another chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsumu was led to a private room and he went in to see Sakusa lying on the bed with an IV line attached to him. Beside the monitor showed his heart rhythm and blinking away with a beeping sound. Atsumu rushed to his side and held his hand. “Omi…Omi…please can you hear me?” Sakusa stirred as he felt a hand on his face. “…Tsumu?” Atsumu smiled as tears streamed down his face. “Yes. Yea. I am here. You ok? What happened?” Sakusa wiggled and pushed himself up to upright position. “…Sorry, Tsumu. To make you worry. I am fine.” Atsumu started to cry out loud. “How are ya fine? Yer not fine. Not if ya collapse and sent to hospital. Yer know how worried I was?” He clenched tight on Sakusa’s hands as tears and snot ruined his face. <br/>Sakusa smiled weakly and reached to wipe his tears away. “…I am sorry…Don’t cry…You are making me sad.” “I…” The door opened and a doctor in white coat came in. “Sorry to interrupt. I am Mr. Sakusa’s head physician.” The man greeted and introduced himself to the couple who were busy wiping tears and composing themselves. “It is fine. Doctor. What happened to him?” Atsumu asked, his eyes were puffy and red. “…Mr. Sakusa, is it ok for us to discuss thing here?” Sakusa and Atsumu looked at each other, their hands were in each other still. Sakusa then looked at the doctor with determined eyes. “It’s fine. Doctor. I’d like to know what is happening to me.” He gave a squeeze to Atsumu’s cold hand. <br/>The doctor readjusted his glasses and said, “Mr. Sakusa, from our blood tests and CT scan…we found that you have lung cancer. We will need to take a tissue sample to determine the stage.” Atsumu felt his legs gave out and he stumbled. “Tsumu…” “Are ya…yer sure? Doctor? I mean he…he is as healthy as a horse. He jogs and he doesn’t even drink.” Atsumu almost jumped on the doctor and beat him till he changed his diagnosis. “…He does have smoking habit…Please don’t lose hope. We have many ways to treat the cancer these days.” The doctor said as Atsumu sat on the sofa all daze and broken. Sakusa even though he was anxious, he knew he had to keep it together for both of them. He nodded and looked at Atsumu who just kept staring at his feet. ‘’I will leave you two alone. I’d like to know your decision as early as possible. So that we can start the treatment quickly.’ He then bowed and quickly left the room. <br/>The room was so quiet, there were only the sound of computer monitor beeping and hushed breath sounds of the two. “Tsumu…hey’’ Atsumu still didn’t respond. Sakusa turned to him and touched his head. “Hey babe. Look at me…” Atsumu slowly stood up and went to him. “…Don’t cry. You heard him… There are many ways to treat this. You don’t have to worry. Please…it hurt me to see you like this.” Atsumu bit his lips as the tears ran down his face. “…Omi…Omi…ya can’t leave me. Ya know that. Ya promised.” Sakusa’s lips form a sad smile. “I know, baby. I know. I won’t leave you. So, stop crying.”<br/> Atsumu hiccupped and he drove himself into Sakusa’s chest. The place was warm like always. He felt safe and warm and love. No…he couldn’t let him go. Sakusa kissed the top of his head and smoothed the strands lovingly. He then pulled Atsumu onto the bed and the two cramped on a hospital bed. “This is cramped. Ya ok?” Atsumu asked as Sakusa put his free hand under his head.” “I am fine. This is nice.” He replied as he snuggled closer to him. Under thick blanket, the two fell asleep in each other embrace…Even in strange unknown place, if you had one thing you loved the most, the place could become your safe haven. <br/>Over the six months span, Sakusa travelled between home and hospital for his treatment for he didn’t want to be admitted full time in an isolated hospital room. Atsumu devoted himself to Sakusa, he took care of the meals, the cleaning, travel and didn’t let anyone handle a thing. Sakusa was given 3 sessions of radiation treatment and each time he became weaker but he never showed his distress to poor Atsumu who didn’t even take an eye away from him. He knew his condition. He knew but what good would it do if he told Atsumu who was thinking after the radiations, he would be better and cured all this time. After the 3rd session, the doctor denied his request to go back home and he was admitted to hospital. <br/>Sakusa could no longer swallow or chew food so he was fed liquid diet and Iv drips. “How is it? I asked Samu’s help in making this soup.” Atsumu asked with a proud smile as he fed Sakusa spoon by spoon. Sakusa stared at his lover face and smiled. “…Good. You are better at cooking.’’ Atsumu chuckled as he was pleased with himself. “Of course. I am good at everything.” He took a napkin and wiped Sakusa’s mouth. Sakusa held onto his hand and kissed the slender fingers. “You look tired, Tsumu. Are you even getting enough sleep?” Atsumu sighed and covered his hand over his and said, “I am fine, Omi. All good. Ya just need to get better quick.” <br/>He kissed tenderly on the lips and turned away to tidy the mess. Sakusa sighed as he laid back on his pillow. He was on oxygen therapy 24/7 now and even with that, he still struggled to breathe. This must be divine punishment. He thought to himself and smiled bitterly. This was his punishment for hurting Atsumu years ago and hurting his parents. He deserved it but…he looked at Atsumu who was busy taking care of utensils. He didn’t deserve another painful thing. Tired, he closed his eyes and drifted away into sleep. <br/>“How is Sakusa?” Osamu asked as he sat beside Atsumu in hospital lounge. Atsumu wiped his face with a hand and sighed. “…I don’t know…He is becoming weaker. He said he is fine but I know he is not. The doctor is running tests and scans but there is still no improvement…” his eyes stung with tears but he held back being in public. Osamu gripped his brother shoulder and said, “…. It will be better. Don’t lose hope.” Atsumu stared at the white floor and he zoned out. “Tsumu…Tsumu! Hey…” “Huh? What?’’ “you haven’t sleep?” Atsumu blinked hard and rubbed his eyes. “No. I just…Samu…” “What?” “I…I…don’t think I will survive if something happens to Omi.” “What are you talking about?” <br/>Atsumu moved away from him. “We only have each other…I…30 years. I… I can’t be alone. I don’t think…” he hiccupped. Osamu immediately pulled him into tight embrace. “No. Stop with nonsense. Atsumu, you are strong. You can never do anything rush. You hear? You have me, Suna and Sakura. You have to promise.” Atsumu then laughed dryly as he patted his brother’s back. “I am just joking. Don’t worry.’’ Osamu let go of him and looked him dead in the eyes. “Promise me.” “Fine. I promise. Geez, you are scary.’’ He said with a wide smile and got up. “I have to go check on Omi. You head home, tell Suna and Sakura I love them.” Osamu nodded, still feeling unsettled as he watched his brother stepped away. <br/>The weeks went by slowly, dragging the days longer than usual.  <br/>Sakusa’s condition didn’t improve. He had a minor surgical procedure of inserting chest tube inside to drain the fluid inside his lungs. He was thinner and there were dark circles under his eyes. Atsumu rubbed his two moles on forehead and traced his finger on Sakusa’s features. “What are you doing?” He smiled, peeking through one eye at the blushing Atsumu. “…I am just…trying to remember why I thought you were so handsome.” “Are you saying I am not?” Atsumu chuckled. “You know I aged better, right?” “Says who?” “Says me. Are you saying I am not beautiful anymore?” He pouted and pinched his nose. Sakusa laughed, “You are still the most beautiful man on earth. Beside me of course.” The two enjoy their flirting back and forth until they heard someone cleared their throat. “Doctor…” Atsumu screeched as he jumped. <br/>“I am sorry to bother you. How are you doing, Mr. Sakusa?” Sakusa smiled at the doctor. “I am feeling better.” “I am glad to hear that. Today I am here to discuss things with you.” Atsumu gripped his hands and swallowed hard. He felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his throat. “…The tissues result came back. I am sorry to disappoint you but the results are not promising.’’ “What are you saying? Didn’t you say he just need radiation? Why the results are not good?” ” Atsumu! Honey, don’t.” Sakusa pulled on his sleeves and stopped the Atsumu canon. “The cancer has spread to other parts. He is currently in stage 3 which need chemotherapy as well. But in order to get chemo treatment, we need consent from you two. Please discuss carefully and let me know your decision. If you decided to take treatment, I suggest you do it quick.” “Will it cure him if he takes chemo treatment?” Atsumu asked his voice was shaking. <br/>“We cannot guarantee the outcome. Since the cancer is advance and considering the age, I can not promise you definitely.” Why the world was so cruel? Why him? Gods could have taken him and he would gladly obey. But why omi? Why his omi? What did he do so horrible that he deserve this? “Tsumu…you ok? You have gone quiet.” Sakusa asked as they sat in silence without saying a word since the doctor left. He looked up…he couldn’t cry. He couldn’t. “Omi…will you take the treatment? The doctors didn’t say anything good but…” he sniffled and stood up. “If you take it, you have a chance to get better. Get better and go home with me.’’ His brown eyes shown with hope. Sakusa sighed. “…I don’t want to, Tsumu.” “Why? Why? Omi, you can’t give up. Please.” “Tsumu, there is no guarantee and… I am really tired.” <br/>Atsumu stepped closer to him and held his face in his hands. “I know. I know, babe. I just…I just…if you take it, we could be together longer. I want us to be together.’’ Sakusa patted his hand. “I want to be with you too, Tsumu. That’s why I married you.” “Please take it, Omi.” Sakusa sighed. He didn’t want to. He had already heard from the doctor that he only had a few more months to live and truth was he didn’t want to spend the last months of his life on hospital bed, weak and hang on by a thread. He just wanted to spend the time with his beloved quietly. Atsumu looked at him with pleading eyes and he couldn’t. He could never say no to that face. <br/>“Fine…I will take it. But…Tsumu…I want to go on a trip with you first.” Atsumu’s face lighted up and he kissed Sakusa. “Sure. Of course. I will talk with the doctor and arrange it. Where do you want to go?” He was suddenly full of energy. Sakusa smiled at his reaction. “I want to go to your family cabin.” “Near the lake?” “Yes, we haven’t been there since Christmas last year.’’ Atsumu smiled and nodded. “Sure. I will take you out on another honeymoon, Omi-Omi.’’ Sakusa smiled at his lover, who rushed out to talk to the doctors. He then shifted his eyes to the window beside and stared at the clear blue sky. He knew this would be his last trip. The last trip with his beloved. <br/>After discussions with doctors, he finally got approval and they headed out to the cabin in the woods in their car. Sakusa sat in passenger seat, not pleased that he couldn’t drive. He still had his chest tube inserted and because Atsumu was nagging him, he was on oxygen as well. They talked about all the nonsense as the car raced through the roads and headed out of town. Nobody talked about the sad things. They were laughing and teasing each other like newlyweds. “Oh shoot. Samu is calling me.’’ ‘’Hey, eyes on the road.” “I got it, Omi. Hey, Samu…” ‘’How is it going?” “We are still on the road. Will arrive there in like 30mins.” “Good…. Tsumu…” “Yea?” He noticed Osamu was hesitating. <br/>“What? I am driving Samu.’’ ‘’You…you won’t do anything stupid right?” “What stupid?” “You know what! You promise so you can’t do shit. Remember?” Osamu was annoyed and angry, he should have gone with them. Since that day in hospital, he couldn’t sleep well. He was worried that Atsumu would do something like took his life. With this brother of his, he couldn’t take any chances. “…I won’t. Stop worrying, Samu. Look, I will arrive there in a few minutes, I will call you once I settled.” “Fine…don’t’ forget to call me. Tell Sakusa to take care as well.’’ “Will do! Ciao!” he closed the phone and put it in his pocket. “What was he talking about?” “Hmm? Nothing. Just brother stuff.” <br/>Sakusa eyed him but Atsumu shrugged his shoulder and smiled. “Fine…” The two continued their journey in joyful conversation until they reached their family cabin. It was just beside the main road, surrounded by fields of wheat and behind it was a big lake.  Sakusa stepped out and closed his eyes, breathing in deep of the fresh air. “This is so nice.” Atsumu exclaimed and stretched. “You sit there. I will take the bags inside.” He pushed Sakusa to the seat on porch. “You don’t need my help?” “Nope. Sit and I will call you once I am done.” Sakusa sat at the chair and looked at the yellow field. There was no noise from car horns or people screaming. There was just peaceful silence. He loved it. Ah, I want to enjoy this longer. He sighed feeling the dull ache inside his chest. <br/>“Omi, we are set. Come on.” Atsumu called him from the house. Chuckling to himself, Sakusa went, following the noisy footsteps. The house was small and old. Thankfully there was no mold. “I checked the kitchen; we can’t use the gas stove. It is so old. Like a thousand year. And Samu said mosquitoes are very big here so I am going to close the windows and doors.” Atsumu said nonstop as he walked all over the house. Sakusa was amused to see busy bee Atsumu and he sat on armchair, contented. The two spent the day washing tv and trying to cook on old stove. The night came soon and the two retired to bed. Under the heavy quilt, Atsumu hugged Sakusa’s chest. “Omi…you ok?” he asked drawing circles on his chest. Sakusa stared at the ceiling. “…I am, Tsumu. At least right now…” Atsumu felt a sting inside his chest. “You have to be okay, Omi. You still have to stay with me.” He felt Sakusa arms tighten around him. “I want to Tsumu. You know I do. But…” “there is no buts…” “Tsumu, listen. We really need to talk about this.” <br/>Atsumu buried his head in Sakusa’s chest. “If something happens to me…you have to live, Tsumu.’’ “…How can you say that? How can you say that to me?” Atsumu cried into his shirt. Tears leaked from Sakusa’s eyes. “…Even if I am not there beside you, I want you to continue live for me.” “I want you to smile and be happy. Listen to Osamu and take care of yourself.” Atsumu couldn’t reply, he was crying all of his heart out. “…I will wait for you on the other side. Don’t you worry…I love you.” “Forever....” Sakusa chuckled as he wiped his eyes. “Yes. Forever. It is a pretty long time though…But…I feel like it is not enough.” He kissed the top of his head. <br/>“Omi…I love you. I love you so much my heart cannot handle it. I have loved you since I was 20years old. You are my one and only. I love you…I…love you…” he cried more and more as he kissed him. Sakusa wrapped his arms around him and deepen the kiss. Sakusa Kiyomi prayed at that moment. If there is a God looking down at them, please…. please stop the time and let them stay in this house forever. Just the two of them nothing more… <br/>A star fell. Shooting across the inky black sky scattering the fairy dust all over the earth. The two fell asleep in each other embrace, snuggled close to each other, feeling the years of love and adoration they had in their lives. A life time was not enough for them. How about forever? Hope it is long enough for them. <br/>No one knew there was a gas leak happening at that moment…The night went on as the silent killer filled the entire house.<br/>“I cannot contact Tsumu. I am going to check on him.” Osamu said as he shoved his phone inside the pocket and rushed to the car. “What? Samu, careful. And contact me, okay?” He nodded as he kissed Suna on the cheeks and drove away. You better be keeping your promise, Atsumu. He grinded his teeth and drove at top speed out of the town. After two hours, he arrived at the cabin. He saw their car still parked and ran to the house. “HEY! Atsumu! Sakusa!” He banged the door and shouted. But several minutes passed. No one came to open the door. “Fuck…” he searched for a spare key all over the porch but there was none. He pulled at his hair frustrated and called Atsumu for 30th time but there was no answer. <br/>He finally decided to break the door down. He was confident he could easily break this kind of old door and he hit with all of his weight. And true to his assumptions, with a loud creak, the door was opened. The air inside was so stuffy and still. He coughed and rushed to open all the windows and doors. “Atsumu! Where the fuck are you?” He run to the bedroom and opened the door. There he found his brother and his lover. “You have got to be kidding me. Wake up!” he could finally breathe. He opened the lights and opened the window but there was no response. “Atsumu? Sakusa? Hey?” Worried, he rushed to the bed and pulled the quilt from them. There was no response from the two. They were locked in each other arms. He shook Sakusa first but he didn’t response and then he shook Atsumu. Their bodies were cold and stiff. “No…Atsumu. Tsumu! Tsumu. No. Please. Brother!!” he shook the two with full force but they didn’t response. Atsumu’s face was tinted with pink and his lips were red like cherry. Sakusa too was looking flushed and stiff. They were no breathing. There was no heartbeat. Osamu cried and screamed…with shaky hands, he called 911 and then he knelt beside the bed, crying and crying. <br/>Sakusa Kiyomi and Miya Atsumu were no longer on this earth. Together they had left it. Left behind those who loved them. But they had each other…didn’t they? Osamu stood as the police and medic carried the two. He had not stop crying. “Atsumu…you ass. Are you happy now? How could you…” A gush of wind blew across the field and caressed his face as it disappeared into the endless yellow wheat fields. <br/>Sakusa woke up…a blinding light in his eyes. He covered his eyes with a hand and blinked. Where was he? He looked around and realized he was in his bed room. He felt something moved beside him and pulled off the blanket just to find a particular blonde sleeping soundly with his arms around him. Sakusa smiled… “Morning, Tsumu…” he kissed his forehead and rubbed his arms. “Hmmm…Omiiiii!” Atsumu whined as he rubbed his head against his hand. “Morning, Omi!” The sun light hit Atsumu’s head creating a golden halo around him. “You are so beautiful…” Atsumu chuckled as he ran his fingers in his curls. “So are you, Omi. I love you…” “I love you too…” “Forever?” “Of course. Forever…” the two laughed. </p>
<p>There was no other sound…just the two of them... together... forever. Till the end of time. A pretty long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys, so my very first Sakuatsu ff is finished. I am sorry i couldn't write a good one. This was just something I am feeling at the moment. So I went through with this. <br/>I have serious attachment issues. I never have closure. This book actually is reflection of my fears. I am scared to lose people I hold close to. That's why I spent my teenage years alone without friends. When I didn't have friends or anyone, it was easy for me to think of killing myself. I attempted suicide but failed. (That's why I am here lol) and now I here I am. trust me, I am struggling with life. But suicide is a bit farther away in my mind. I have people i don't want to lose. things i want to do and places i want to be. Sometimes i believe it is better to have no attachment. that way you can't get hurt. if you have nothing since beginning, you have nothing to worry about losing it. </p>
<p>Anyway, I am thankful to you guys for reading this. If i can make u guys, tear up a bit, then my mission is complete. <br/>Leave your thoughts. I might make another Sakuatusu ff if the mood strike.</p>
<p>Stay safe and healthy my loves. XOXOXO</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys. Yea I know I have stuff I should finish *wink wink* but the last couple of week, my laptop broke down and I couldn't write at all. I spent all my time reading Sakuatsu ship on wattpad and my love for the pair grew hella a lot. In case I haven't mention before, I am a HUGEEEEEEE haikyuu hoe. My hsuband is Kuroo and ultimate ship is KuroTsukki but now Sakuatsu pair is killing me. I am lazy bum, i want to read more than I wanna write. Unless I got inspiration out of no where and stuff like this happen. </p><p>Anyway, I promise to keep this short and as painful as possible. XDDD Consider this as my Halloween gift this year. Cuz I won't be writing one for 19 days so. </p><p>I hope you enjoy this and stay safe and healthy dears. XO XO XO</p><p>I write this while listening to Lindsey Stirling - Sleepwalking from her Artemis album. I always write with a mood setting tunes and most of the time she is my muse. If you guys want I will put in the music I listened while I worked in every chapters.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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